Nails in the Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you." "Of course I can," said the father.

When words are used in the wrong way, they are no different than a ball bat, a knife, a gun, or even your fist. It is even said that verbal abuse is no different than sexual abuse. You may not leave any noticeable bruises or scars on the exterior, but the interior of a victim is battered up just as much if not more. Bruises, cuts, and scars will heal up and disappear, but the emotional trauma never heals up, it is like superglue. The emotional trauma is a never ending battle within a victim. Some victims can receive help and over come the scars left behind, but many never over come the hurt. Verbal abuse is probably one of the top 5 reasons young kids under 18 commit suicide. I have heard, "oh it toughens them up. It makes them stronger. What don't kill them, will make them stronger." What about my favorite, "Oh grow up, we are just joking." The saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," is the biggest lie ever told. In my opinion that saying should be outlawed. Here are 15 different ways of verbal abuse: withholding, countering, discounting, verbal abuse disguised as jokes, blocking and diverting, accusing and blaming, judging and criticizing, trivializing, undermining, threatening, Name calling, forgetting, ordering, denial, and abusive anger.